Just happy

Have you ever noticed just how silent the world becomes as soon as your ears are under water?

And you would think that it doesn't get better than that - a world of serene introspection, a world without misunderstandings, misconceptions, mistakes, disturbed only by the occasional cold-induced shivers...

In these last couple of months, I had moments of anger, frustration and sadness; but I also had moments of peaceful bliss, fulfillment and joy.

I witnessed the start of a new Chinese New Year - and what could have been better than to do it while having drinks in a Japanese bar? I've been to the seaside - once to spend the day at the beach, once to tease monkeys and then enjoy a seafood dinner; I hopped on the night train to Nong Khai and rediscovered just how beautiful life can be chilling by the Mekong.

Sometimes I worked hard, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I had fun, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I was careful, sometimes I wasn't.

But as I went back to the swimming pool and tried hard to numb my mind, numb my senses, it occurred to me that, in seeking the absence of pain, the only thing I will find is the absence of... everything. So I came out of the water and started walking. And haven't stopped since.

4, 3, 2, 1...

Since I didn't have a Christmas break, I wasn't expecting a New Year's one; so it hit me as a rather-late-yet-pleasant surprise that my school would be closed on both Dec 31st and Jan 1st - as my 'weekends' start on Wednesday, this meant that I would have four days off...

Dec 31st Spent the last day of 2012 with Ellen. We started by going for a walk in the Dusit District - we were expecting to find a park but found lots of concrete instead; it was worth it nevertheless. We treated ourselves to a foot massage in the afternoon and, in the evening, got together for dinner in a cozy restaurant not far from MBK.

Ellen had to wake up early the next day so she decided to go back to the hotel at around 11 p.m. After saying goodbye, I made my way to Central World - the place in the city where most people wait for the countdown. So at the stroke of midnight, there I was, in a not-so-bad spot, surrounded by I-don't-know-how-many-people, welcoming a brand new year.

Jan 1st The first day of 2013 was as chilled as they come. I would highlight the toast I had in the afternoon; for some reason, it was served with two scoops of pure, unadulterated... butter. I kid you not! At least it wasn't vanilla ice cream; I'm not really a fan of vanilla ice cream. If there's something an ice cream shouldn't have is... vanilla.

Jan 2nd Time to pay a visit to Siam Ocean World, the city's very own aquarium. What did I learn? That salmon is not the largest freshwater fish. There are true monsters lurking in rivers and lakes so be afraid. Be very afraid.

Jan 3rd No relaxing time is wasted time. Spent the afternoon swimming in the pool. Have you ever noticed just how silent the world becomes as soon as your ears are under water?

Christmas in the tropics

On the day before Christmas, I was unusually late for work; this was the reason why I decided to hop on a cab.

As we got closer to my destination, Siam Paragon, the cab driver started hinting at the fact that I would actually have to pay three times the amount displayed on the meter. I got upset and told him that I wasn't up for it. To my astonishment, I realised that he drove through my place of employment without stopping and that he turned off the meter pretty much at the same time that he hit the accelerator.

It took me two seconds to try and grab my mobile phone, which was then buried in my handbag. As soon as he realised what I was trying to do, he started shouting and pulled over in a deserted area. I'm not sure if we opened the cab's doors at the same time but I know that my survival instinct made me start running in the direction of the crowds.

Fortunately, I was wearing flat shoes but, unfortunately, I was born with wobbly feet meaning that it didn't take long for me to be laying on the floor screaming in pain. The inglorious bastard reached me just before I managed to, once again, get hold of my mobile phone; and as he went for what looked like a knife, I woke up.

On the day before Christmas, I went to work and spent the evening with Leon and Ash. On Christmas Day, I worked again and had chicken soup for dinner - this was my attempt to fight off a sore throat. On Boxing Day, I had an appointment at 9 a.m. at the Immigration Department; and so as not to wake up earlier than 6.30 a.m., I decided to... hop on a cab.

Going places

This time last year, I was getting ready for a great adventure - everything seemed possible and it was really!

"Will they hate me for all the choices I've made?"

One year down the line, I can assure you that everything is still possible but if 365 days ago I was ready to take off, right now I'm ready to settle down.

"I can't stop now I know who I am"

Three months after landing in Bangkok and following a path, which has been a lot rockier than you might think, I can honestly say that I'm ready to stay a while, take it all in before the time comes to let it all go - and I'm sure that this will be as exciting and unpredictable as flying away.

"Now I'm all yours, I'm not afraid"

I think it's pretty unbelievable to finish this year's journey in the place where I started it - Bangkok - but then again, how could it be any different? After all, I'm quite good at building bridges between beginnings and endings.

"And all my life starts now..."

The imperfect fit

It was an evening like many others - I finished my day's work at school, headed towards the BTS station and hopped on the skytrain.

Shortly after having taken an available seat, which was quite a treat at that time of the day, I realised, quite randomly, that some of the women surrounding me were wearing shoes, which were way too small for their feet; so much so, that some toes were practically touching the ground - seriously!

How could I not ask myself the reasons why these women decided to buy such small shoes? I mean, aren't there enough shoes in the world?

My search for meaning took me back to Singapore - a place I've always been very fond of. It felt good to be back in a country where everybody speaks English, there's law and order and everything looks nice, neat and, ultimately, safe. But then again, does the fact that everybody speaks English mean that there's no space for misunderstandings? Does the fact that there's law and order mean that there's justice? And don't the highly impressive manifestations of cleanliness walk hand in hand with some kind of rampant eagerness to judge, condemn and, ultimately, repress?

I'm far and away from saying that I didn't enjoy having a couple of drinks overlooking a golf course, a lake and then a river, splurging on different kinds of foods, walking around in the Gardens by the Bay, sharing a pool with a couple of loud but polite kids; I'm just saying that I haven't yet found the right shoes for me. And there's really no need to settle for the wrong ones...

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

You would think that, after making a solid investment in teaching English as a foreign language (which includes traveling half around the world twice!), I would now be riding the wave, living the dream, but I'm not.

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that life in Bangkok is not paradise on earth - it's just life - and the same applies to my working life - it's just working life.

In practice, this means that I wake up every morning knowing that my daily fix of positive energy will come from whatever happens outside school; that I'll get to the end of the day physically tired but still craving for a challenge; all in all, I feel like I will listen to a song but won't have to dance to it.

I met Mark after work yesterday and, in our search for a cool and inexpensive place to have a drink, it started raining. In order to avoid getting soaked, we took shelter next to a building, where we ended up sitting for a couple of minutes.

Mark doesn't believe in the "calling" and, to be fair, lately I've also started thinking that there's little more to life than finding a job, getting bored to death doing it and, if you're lucky, spending most of the time in between with the people who really matter.

But the truth is that I don't really know - maybe we all have a special talent (and it's just a matter of time until we find it), maybe we don't; what I do know is that, regardless of what it is out there that fulfills us all, I haven't found it yet. But I plan to. The search is (back) on.

The tastiest margarita ever

One fine day I checked my Facebook and noticed that Amelia, an old friend of mine, had posted a photo taken in Koh Lipe. A couple of fine days later, she was giving me a call - and we arranged to meet in Bangkok. 

It was great to be in her company when paying a visit to Wat Arun - probably the city's most beautiful spot; it was awesome to have the chance to walk through a kind of second-hand market - markets being one of the most genuine attractions in Thailand. Probably.

It was amazing to have some refreshing drinks while watching the sunset from the Amorosa Bar - probably one of the nicest places to watch the sunset in town; it was unforgettable to have dinner and a margarita at the River Vibe Restaurant & Bar - one of the nicest terraces I've ever been to. Probably.

Most of all, it was incredible to get lost in Chinatown's confusing sois while having great conversations about life and love. If there's something I take out of this whole experience is that some of life's greatest moments happen when you least expect them. And they are gone in the blink of an eye.